Fighting Depression

When life gets in the way.

I’ve not updated this blog in a while. Part of that is for good reasons; I’ve been busier, going places and seeing people, getting involved in new hobbies. Part of it isn’t. This post is about that stuff.

Confidence can be a fragile thing. When you write, you’re translating feelings and thoughts into a framework that can be understood by others. Words are a core method of how that’s done, and there’s an intense vulnerability associated with making that process your way of seeking personal fulfilment.

Writing is my chosen artform, it’s the way of expressing myself that I think I’m best at. So when I can’t convince people to pay me for what I write, it makes me feel bad. Then there’s the spiral of self-doubt and misery, which is just lovely.

My work’s been rejected a good few times now, and whilst I can rationally accept that’s due to many factors, of which a lot are beyond my control, it’s hard not to see it as a mark of unworthiness.

The thing is, that thought process is bullshit. I’ve tried to get work published far fewer times than it took to try to walk, and I’ve not tripped over and fallen on my face in almost a fortnight. Despair is a self-fulfilling prophecy, and as hard as it is to escape the tar pit of misery and self-deprecation, it’s still possible. I’m up and breathing, and I want people to read what I want to write, so I’m going to keep doing it until I can’t anymore.

And I can keep going. A minimum-wage job doesn’t change that. My worth is not determined by being paid as little as legally possible to scrub a toilet. Nobody’s is.

So I’m fighting back. I’m not giving up on this blog or my dreams.

Expect another update soon.

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